self portrait #7

I got my Athena tattoo almost five years ago. I needed strength at that point of my life and Athena gave it to me.

Hardly anyone has seen her.

It was a four hour tattoo session. One of my sisters came with me, she even coloured in a tiny part of the shield, it’s darker than the rest. As the blood and muck trickled down my leg over the coming days, I fucking fell in love with my tattoo. Anyone that has a tattoo bigger than an inch knows about the scabbing healing process, it’s a wonderful journey in itself.

Athena is the strongest of the Goddesses, cities were built around her.

She was born out of Zeus’ forehead in full warrior armour. Athena is a powerful fighter, but only if there is a just cause. She is the Goddess of the arts, literature and order. How awesome is that? A Goddess of the arts!

She counselled Perseus and when he killed Medusa, he gave her head to Athena in gratitude. Athena started to wear Medusa’s head in her armoury; sometimes as a breastplate, more often as a shield.

Athena, to me, is a mix of yin and yang, feminine and masculine.

Strength is in her armour and vulnerability is underneath.

When I see Athena statues in museums, I touch her feet or her cheek and thank her for her strength, wisdom and creativity. There is a statue of her a block away from where I work. People mull around her during lunch hour.

Look out for Athena and draw on her strength when you need to. I have seen her at universities, post offices and even comic books.

Do you have any secret talismans that you wear on your body? Jewellery? Tattoos?

Share in the comments! I’d love to know.

My mind goes at a thousand thoughts a minute. Case in my point: while I’ve been writing this, I switched to Photoshop to do some minor editing, turned off the air conditioning that doesn’t work and looked at my timer no less than three times. It’s a constant battle for me to be present so I have to make an active choice to add more stillness to my life.

Here are little things I have been doing these last couple of weeks. They help me be more present and mindful when I want to escape:

1. Every time I go to say something on Twitter, I ask myself “Am I saying this to the world so I can avoid saying it to…the noisy neighbour, the government etc.”
2. When I walk to work or during my lunch break, I don’t listen to music – I give my brain room to breathe. It’s almost meditative. As I’m walking, I like to consciously bring to mind things that I want to mull over, like what’s happening at work or blog post ideas. It stops me from ruminating and is a more productive use of my down time.
3. If I pick up the TV remote, I ask myself “Am I self soothing? Can I get a break by calling a friend or practicing yoga?”  While I love drastic actions, getting rid of the TV all together is not an option in our apartment – we love watching films.
4. I try to actively take advantage of the shower moment. Washing the dishes or going for a walk could be the best thing in the world when I’m feeling stuck. I just have to make sure I have something to take notes or I forget my lightning bolt ideas and I’m back at square one.

What do you do to be more mindful and present?

self portrait #6

“Androgyny is not trying to manage the relationship between the opposites; it is simply flowing between them.”

- June Singer, Jungian analyst

Henri Carier-Bresson

When I was working at a photography studio, the most common question from clients was

“That’s a really nice photo. What’s your camera?”

It’s also the most irrelevant question.

Equipment has nothing to do with it.*

It’s easy to fall into an equipment loop. When I have this, then I can do that. I’ve done it myself. It’s a false passion; a one night stand instead of an intricate exploration of boundaries and adventures.

Henri Cartier-Bresson, the father of photojournalism, used the same 50mm lens almost exclusively for his whole career. He did this so that he could mentally frame the shot before he raised the camera to his eye. His composition was flawless because he knew his shit. Imagine feeling that connected to each tool.

Image by Henri Cartier-Bresson. © Magnum

I can take a photo with a camera and hand it to you and you can take a completely different photo. Each sketch started with pencils, charcoal and paper.

What’s your take on the world? Show it with what you have.

Art is not at all about the tools (indeed the best art makes you forget that tools were used at all).

There are amazing things to be discovered with expensive top of the range gear, but it’s an easy flaw to think you can’t move onto the next level of your creativity until you get the next big thing. You should focus on what you’re trying to achieve and building your unique talent.

Make mistakes.

Push boundaries with what you have.

*Disclaimer: You should invest in quality equipment periodically. This article is about looking and waiting for the next step in technology so you can take the next step in your art. I fully believe that you should make an investment in your art once you know that you love it.

The King and the Calligrapher

self portrait #5

The first time I wore this dress was on the second last night before leaving D.C. I went out with my two best mates, Simone and Zac (you can see them in my first keg stand video). I spent forever getting ready for a night out on the town and met Zac at one of the many local pubs. It was going to be the last night that we were both in the same city country.

I really wanted to go out dancing while Zac wanted to stick with our routine of getting smashed in a pub. We argued in the streets of Bethesda while people eating their dinners on the sidewalk tried to ignore our death stares.

Finally, he leaned in real close and said

“You know, you may look really nice today, but you’re still a bitch.”

I love that.

It really pushed me off my self-constructed make-up-fueled pedestal. I had assumptions about what a perfect night should be and he called me out on it. We bickered for another 20 minutes while Simone, beautiful Simone, played referee. By the time we were downtown, all was forgiven and I bought the next round.

Sometimes, when I put on make up and a dress, I feel like I have to live up to some ideal. But the best moments are the accidental ones, the ones you can’t plan, the ones when you’re in your jeans, listening to the Beatles, drinking scotch and making black beans and rice for your friends. The best nights are when I discard who I think I ought to be, and just am.

That’s my true self.

That’s so much better than make up and fancy dresses.

self portrait #4

I don’t know about you but I hit a creative wall almost every week. I’ve been doing some research into why we get down on ourselves when we’re not creating and how to change our habits for the better.

For the last three months, I’ve been using these tools and there has been a real shift in my output.

I’m creating more art than ever before and I’m happier as a result.

Changing the way you think doesn’t seem like much. It’s almost unassuming. You expect with big struggles comes big changes but this is an easy practice that sends positive ripples through your life when you’re feeling creatively blocked.

Here’s five cognitive therapy tactics you can apply to your artist block:

1. Recognise the automatic thoughts flitting through your mind during the times you’re feeling at your worst. What are the stories you’re telling yourself?

2. Dispute the automatic thoughts. Marshall them with contrary evidence. Instead of “I’m so uncreative” try “Even though I feel unartistic now, I have a portfolio of work that I’m proud of.”

3. Learn to make different explanations for the down times. You want to replace the permanent phrases like “I’m never creative” to something like “I’ve been really busy as of late. Things will get better when the craziness slows down.”

4. Distract yourself from depressing thoughts. Do something you love. Do something that’s easy. Exercise. Breathe. Go for a walk. This was a big one for me. I would often sit there and think about why I’m not creative, rather than just doing something. Always take action.

5. Learn to recognise and question the creative block. Sow good assumptions that will eventually govern what you do.

self portrait #3

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

- Walt Whitman

I’ve always wanted to take self-portraits but I would talk myself out of it. I’m not pretty enough. It’s self-indulgent and arrogant. Others will judge me.

The thought of it simultaneously filled me with excitement and fear of rejection.

Perceived rejection even before I pressed the shutter has stopped me from taking a single self-portrait for the last couple of years.

And then I saw Brittany Gibbons strip down to her swim suit during her TED talk. Here I am, a woman, before you all. I exist. I am me. I am present.

It resonated. It was just the thing I needed to get started.

A self-portrait isn’t a cog in the objectification wheel. It’s self-acceptance.

So here I am.

My ego. My tan lines. My marks.

self portrait #2

Q. Did you ever think that the lessons you first learned on the stage of an improv comedy theater in Chicago would pay off later in life?

A. It pays off in your life when you’re in an elevator and people are uncomfortable. You can just say, “That’s a beautiful scarf.” It’s just thinking about making someone else feel comfortable. You don’t worry about yourself, because we’re vibrating together. If I can make yours just a little bit groovier, it’ll affect me. It comes back, somehow.

(the New York Times)